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Reversing directions

Nearly all of us, in some way or other, are focused on what we want. We’ve created our vision boards, completed our intention setting, prayed our manifestation prayers, did our ceremonies and rituals, recited the mantras and affirmations, all to bring about what it is we want. Always it seems we are asking the inner question “how will I get what I want today” or a more sophisticated version of that is “how will the world and my experiences be how I want them too?” When we ask these questions, either deliberately or automatically, what happens is that we align our actions around that sole quest. The quest of what we want. What frequently comes with the quest of following our desires is an idea or picture of what our desires look like to us when they are fulfilled. The most tangible example of this would be to say that we want something physical like a house, car or any other physical object. We typically have a pretty clear idea of what it is we want or don’t want. An image forms in our mind and we move towards that image. We may “sacrifice” on some of details, but other things are non-negotiable. If we really want a convertible car we are unlikely to buy a truck, as it’s too far off from our desires.

What arises however when what we want isn’t available or not present inside of our immediate experience? We want a convertible, but there are none available. The house we want isn’t for sale. The latest iPhone we want is out of stock. We could also extrapolate this to less “physical” objects such as relationships, opportunities, health, safety, security, stability or particular emotional states. When there are no suitable partners, the trip we want to go on is sold out, we don’t feel secure or stable in our life, or we feel sick, angry, frustrated or sad, it seems that what we want is not available. Where does our focus go? Our focus is on what isn’t inside of our experience. We actually lose touch with our true desire because we are so focused on what isn’t here. Then we have some version of a freak out and we feel anxious or depressed, because that is really the only way to feel when we are focused on what isn’t.

We internally stir, attempting to figure out how we will get what we want. We do more to get the things. Work harder, manifest longer, say our affirmations more frequently. We can’t seem to figure out why with everything we are doing we still don’t have what we want. We wonder why isn’t life working for us or with us. What we want seems outside of us, like it’s something over there, somewhere inside of an object or some other person or place, and if we could just figure out how to get it. The secret is that our desire is not outside of us. We are it. However when we merge our desire with the objects we think possess our desire, we feel helpless, frustrated and confused.


Shifting focus

Desire steers the ship of this life, but life is not about us getting our desires. Rather life is about being our desires. This can seem very confusing to our mind that projects everything onto our experience rather than seeing ourselves as the source of our experience. This projection is why it seems that what we want is inside of something or someplace else, and why we get anxious or depressed when our experience of life, or the appearance of things, is not how we want it to be. What appears (ie. our experience) is a reflection of us, and when we feel something is lacking or missing (scarcity mindset) it ultimately seems that something is lacking or missing in us, hence the epidemic of feeling not enough that runs through the human experience.

This brings me to the most important point, which is to give what you want. I will repeat again what I wrote above, life is not about you getting what you want, but rather about being it, being your desire. The only way to experience what you want is to give it, which is the same thing as being it. Now your mind will want to come in and insist that this is impossible. How can you give what you perceive to be missing or not present? How can you give what you want life to give you? Let’s say that you want to be loved by another person in a relationship, your mind will say that the only way you can fulfill that desire is to be loved by another person. How can you give that, doesn’t that come from someone else? But does it really? Is it not you that feels loved inside of you? Say you want safety or security from another person. How do you give that too? Let’s go to the more physical examples. You might argue that a house, car or any other physical object doesn’t live inside of you. You are correct, they don’t physically live inside of you, but your desire for them does. We never want the thing, we only want the feeling that we think the thing will bring us. Maybe your desire for a house is because you want a feeling of stability. Again how can you be or give stability rather get stability?

Simply notice whenever you feel that life is not working out for you or not what you want. You will always be focused on what isn’t rather than on what you desire. You must train yourself to find what is it you really want and when you connect with your actual desire you will begin to feel good again. If you start to focus too much on the forms, appearance or happenings of your experience rather than your desire, you will likely suffer again. Sometimes the appearance of life will be as we want it to be and sometimes it won’t be. As far as I can tell this is constant inside of this human experience. This may feel like a bold statement, but the appearance doesn’t matter. What matters is that you give to life what you desire too. That you be what you want to be. That you are an expression your heart’s desires. Unlike the mind’s complexity the heart is simple. It desires only love, connection and bliss. You must recognize when you stop choosing that, when you stop focusing on that, when you stop desiring that, and instead get lost in what doesn’t seem to be here that you think will give you the experience of love, connection and bliss. As soon as you recognize that you’ve lost your focus on what matters, you must do everything within your capacity to shift your focus back onto giving that which you desire to be. Herein lies fulfillment beyond any getting that you can ever get.

Dr. Amanda Love

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